In particular, loss anxiety particularly affects those people who have had a particularly negative experience of separation in their past.
This does not always have to be the separation from an ex. Far more traumatic than a separation in adulthood are for many childhood separations. For example, the divorce of the parents, which has gone particularly ugly done. The fear of losing one of the two parents as a result of this and leaving them has a strong influence on the later relationship ability.
Fear of loss is not linked to the risk of losing the partner. Often the fear of loss has neither hand nor foot. The fear exists alone in the victim's head.
How do I know if my partner is suffering from loss anxiety?
Loss fears are easily recognizable. The partner clings and reacts jealously, even in situations where there is absolutely no cause for jealousy.
It is the smallest situations that start the next big fight. For example, that we had to stay an hour longer at work because the boss had hung an unannounced meeting. Only that our partner simply does not believe this. As soon as the door has come in, it hails reproaches, where and especially with whom we have been so long gone.
As a result, those affected fall into a vicious circle. Her fear of loss literally forces her to behave in a way that leaves her partner with little choice but to end the relationship. For who can endure long-term control, jealousy and obsessive parenthesis? Who wants to be accused at work every hour of overtime that he cheated on his partner? The subsequent separation in turn increases the fear of loss on the part of the person concerned.
However, fear of loss does not necessarily mean that those affected always react with jealousy. Fear of loss can also be expressed in the fact that those affected hold on to friendships and partners who actually do not do them any good, but their fear of being alone is too great. They prefer to be content with social contacts, such as the unfortunate partnership, instead of breaking contact and breaking new ground.
In addition, people with loss anxiety often tend to always subordinate their own wishes. They do not dare to express their own ideas or claims. Again, it is the fear of a possible separation that leads to this behavior. The consequence of this is that those affected are in a very unfortunate and unsatisfactory situation. Who lives in constant fear that the partner separates, as soon as he does not address his needs and desires, can not experience the relationship as fulfilling.
Loss anxiety is often associated with attachment anxiety
Even if it sounds paradoxical: The enormous fear of being able to lose an important person often means that those affected can no longer engage with other people. Affected people avoid letting other people close to them so as to prevent them from leaving and being disappointed in the end.
So while some do everything they can to maintain friendships and partnerships, putting aside their own desires in almost self-defeating ways, clinging and having jealousy, the others do not even let it go that far and push people away.
Loss anxiety may be related to low self-esteem
The enormous fear of loss is usually closely linked with low self-esteem. People who are not at peace with themselves but suffer from dissatisfaction with themselves often can not understand that the partner really loves them truly. Because those who do not take care of themselves are also unable to accept the positive feelings of others.
They also suffer from the fear that one day the partner will seek someone else. Someone who earns more, someone who looks better, someone who lives a better life. They always compare themselves to other people. Logically, that this comparison turns out to be negative for them.
Consequently, they always doubt the feelings of the partner and the fear of loss breaks out again and again in a variety of situations.
Can you, as an outsider, take action against loss anxiety?
In a nutshell: no. After all, we do not give the partner any cause for concern that his loss anxiety might be well founded. Only the victim himself is able to fight against his fears.
It may be helpful for the person concerned to realize that his loss anxiety is unfounded and that it takes place alone in his head. Of course, this will not succeed overnight. But when we keep reminding ourselves that the partner really and truly loves us and does not intend to leave us, but that scenario goes into our heads alone, the partner becomes more relaxed over time.
In addition, it can be helpful if those affected do not make their happiness dependent on their partner alone. To believe that life is worth living only with the partner inevitably increases the fear of loss. Here it is important that those affected must increasingly try to find and exercise a hobby that they enjoy even without the partner.
Who leads a beautiful and happy life, it becomes clear that he would survive even without the partner. As a result, the situation of loss anxiety relaxes.
You do not suffer from loss anxiety, but you want a partner by your side to finally start a family? You do not want to be alone any longer, but have someone with whom you can fall asleep arm in arm in the evening?
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