Stages of Separation - These 5 steps we go through after relationship end

When a relationship ends, there are always many negative feelings associated with it.

It does not matter if we split up by mutual consent, we parted on good terms or even promised to be friends: A break always hurts. It's hard to know that having a good time together with the partner is now a thing of the past.

Probably the separation has long been obsolete. We just have not been happy in the last few months. We only felt the relationship as a burden, but no longer as something that makes us happy.

Disputes and discussions may have dominated everyday life and we know that a better time will come.

Nevertheless, we do not feel that way. We do not feel liberated but are terribly unhappy that our relationship did not work as we wished. What we now have to go through are the typical stages of separation that every person experiences after being relational.

Now you have to go through these 5 phases of separation

The first phase of separation: We do not want to accept or accept the separation

Although we knew that our relationship had inevitably come to an end, we simply do not want to accept this separation. We are still shocked. From one day to the next, nothing is as it was yesterday. Now we are on our own. Everything that was taken for granted a few days or weeks ago is now a thing of the past.

We realize that our lives will now take a completely different turn. Gone is the dream of a shared home on the outskirts. End with the dreamlike idea of ​​a separate family. Even the summer planning does not work anymore, as we will certainly be on our own for the next summer holiday.

And somehow we do not really believe that it's really over. It feels like a bad dream. We hope that he or she will change his mind and come back to us. We firmly believe that the other one just does not know what he wants right now. That the stress at work has led to a sort of short-circuit reaction.

The second phase of separation: we become aware of the separation

It takes a few days to figure out what really happened. That we are really alone now. This phase is especially painful. Suddenly we are overwhelmed by the most different feelings. We are sad and cry. We are desperate. We can not imagine a life without the or the ex.

And at some point our emotional chaos changes. We no longer feel sadness alone, but increasingly also anger. We are angry about how the other one broke up with us. We are angry about how it has generally broken apart. We feel a hate that the other has made it so far without actively working to improve the relationship.

Nevertheless, we still hope that the ex will come back again. We check all the time on the phone, whether he or she is currently online at WhatsApp and see if something new has been published on Instagram.

This phase is the worst of the separation phases. We are helpless at the mercy of our feelings, it is hard for us to stay focused at work and we fall into a deep hole every night. To make matters worse, this phase of separation is still the phase that usually lasts the longest.

The third phase of separation: we are begging for a new opportunity

This third separation phase often occurs at the same time as the second separation phase, which is why these two can also be considered as one phase together.

This is the period during which we report to the ex. Over and over again. We write and call. We ask if he or she is sure it should be over. We ask the others what we did wrong and if there is not hope. We sped on the phone and cursed the others, only to come crawling up like a heap of misery a little later, begging for him to come back to us.

This phase is especially bad for our self-esteem. We humble ourselves, sell ourselves far below value and the worst of all: despite all this, we are rejected and rejected.

The fourth phase of separation: we see light at the end of the tunnel

Once we have overcome the second and third, particularly tormenting phases, we arrive in the fourth phase. This is the period in which it is slowly going uphill again. Of course we are still sad. After all, we can not forget to spend time together with the ex within a few weeks.

Nevertheless, we are now more and more aspects clear that we have disturbed the ex anyway and that stood in the way of a common future. We no longer see the exodus rosy, but also become aware of the downsides. And we realize that we are feeling better now than at the time we were still stuck in the unfortunate partnership.

Finally we are able to enjoy the time together with friends and to enjoy the beautiful things in life again. However, we keep thinking about the ex. Ask ourselves how the other person is doing and imagine what it will feel like the first time we happen to meet each other by chance.

The fifth phase of separation: we have overcome the loss

The fifth phase is when we suddenly realize that we have completely overcome the division. The thought of the ex no longer hurts, but we are glad to have received by the separation of the long overdue turn in life.

We are suddenly rediscovering old hobbies and recreational activities that we used to pursue and that we neglected during the partnership. Now we have the time again to go jogging after work. Finally we play the guitar again. We meet more often with our friends. We cook what we feel like instead of trying to satisfy someone else's tastes.

And we have long separated from the shared images with the partner. To hang the picture frames was difficult for us, but now we are happy every day when we enter our apartment and it is fully furnished to our taste.

We smile and feel more and more every day that we can cope on our own. We put our newfound energy into our job and realize more and more that our sense of happiness lies in our own hands.

And suddenly we realize that we are flirting again and have fun again. We feel freer and more fulfilled than ever before when we were still in the relationship.

After the relationship, each person goes through these phases of separation. How long it takes, however, until we have completely processed the separation, that is completely different from person to person. While some have a happy life after only one month, others have several months, sometimes years, to nibble on the breakup.

It is important to focus as much as possible on the positive things. The more we do with friends, the faster we keep the images and other things that remind us of the ex, the faster we leave the phases of separation behind us and start positively into a new phase of life.

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