Falling in love with the past relationship - that's what everyone dreams about. So it happens that more and more families mixed colorful not only share the house, but also life.
It is estimated that up to 13 percent of all families in Germany today are patchwork families. But as serene and happy as it always looks on TV, patchwork rarely happens.
But what else needs to be considered for Patchwork to work?
Get rid of your dream imagination
The first mistake frequently made by newly-in love parents is believing that everything becomes easy. No, it will not. Both parents should reject this idea very quickly.
Sure to be in love again is a wonderful feeling and we feel absolutely inspired, but at the latest when we present the new partner to our children, we have to adjust to long faces and lousy mood. Also, when the children get to know each other, this does not necessarily go smoothly. In such cases, parents often tend to protect their own child and the first big fight is inevitable.
It is helpful in such cases to have long and detailed discussions with the children. For younger children, it is important to explain that, despite our new partner, they are as much loved by us as before.
For teenagers it is important to explain the reasons and to show that the new partner should not be a mum or dad substitute, but that he is simply the new partner and that we wish the child to be the new partner our side accepted as a partner.
Give all of you enough time to get used to the new situation
Here, of course, the question arises when the right time has come at all to tell the children that there is someone new in their own lives. Our tip: Only when we feel that it can be something permanent.
After that: His children, their children and of course us ourselves - we all just need a little time to get used to the new situation.
And we must not expect the other's children to love us immediately: children often think back to the time when mom and dad were together. They then consider the new or the new as competition and initially develop a defensive attitude.
This defensive attitude can only be broken by communicating from the beginning that you will not take on the new role of father or mother. We can only offer ourselves as a good friend, but we are not the producers of the other children, and we do not want to step into that role.
Criticism of the children and education is the task of the biological parents
Of course, it's okay to ask the stepchildren to help clear the table as well. However, giving house arrest, allowing a visit to a party or ban or perform other educational work, that is the sole responsibility of the birth parents.
By the way, it is also important here that the stepparents do not let themselves be tempted to criticize the children of the other. Neither should the children themselves be reproached nor should we make them miserable to the partner and be tempted to criticize the children.
Because this leads to quarrels faster than we would like.
It's okay if things do not always go well
Yes, partners living in a patchwork family do not always have it easy. And that is perfectly fine! We have to accept that even bad days are simply part of a patchwork family. If phrases such as "You have nothing to say to me" are hurtful enough, the only proper way to do it is not to take it personally. Even if it is hard.
Despite the new family situation - Do not forget as a couple
Especially with a patchwork family, it is incredibly important that the two see each other not only as parents and managers of the new family, but also take enough time for each other.
Of course, just kid-free is of course much easier said than done, but maybe it can be organized so that all children are at the weekend with the expartners? If the children are already in puberty, the couple also have the opportunity to simply have dinner in the evening, not as a family, but as a couple.
Since you broke up with your ex, are you single and you think you'll never find anyone who genuinely loves you? You do not want to be alone any longer?
Then inquire for a flirt coaching for men or a flirting seminar for women. Our love experts show you how to get in touch with the opposite sex in your everyday life and that you no longer have to be alone. We look forward to hearing from you.