Separations are always difficult. Every separation means the loss of a person whom we once loved. Which we have trusted. In which we have thought that this person is the right person and we will spend our lives with this person. First of all, this loss has to be absorbed.
But besides that, we also have doubts. We question our own behavior and blame ourselves for whether we should have behaved differently in different situations. We ponder and try to understand why the relationship has broken.
Not everyone can get over a split quickly
We often hear from friends the well-intentioned advice that we have to forget the ex or so slowly and that the separation is so long ago that we have to start looking forward again.
Of course this is easier said than done.
Especially when we did not expect the partnership to break. If we did not realize that the partner was emotionally farther and farther away from us, we thought that everything was fine. The idea that we have been thinking about where we want to spend the summer vacation, while the other person is thinking about how best to shoot us, hurts.
The more we assume that the relationship is serious and will hold, the harder it will be for us to process the separation.
Change means further development
Many people do not even try to get over the separation. The friends stand by their side and want to help them to finally forget the ex, but the Abandoned woman holds on compulsively to the ex-girlfriend.
He does not give himself the chance to be happy again. He picks up old pictures and brings them out again and again, he always writes news, he constantly steals the pictures on WhatsApp and Instagram.
He clings to the past relationship because he is afraid to take the step into the new life. Because: Being single and therefore alone means being on your own. This idea causes tremendous anxiety to many people who have just come out of a relationship.
You do not see the huge potential behind it. They do not realize that change always means further development. They want everything to stay the same. They are afraid to change. Suddenly having to take care of things that the partner has taken over before.
Often we do not want to get over the separation
As hard as it sounds: Often we are just not ready to accept the separation. We do not want to arrange that the relationship is over. We do not want to get better. We wallow in self-pity because we need that negative feeling. Because we are not ready to embark on the new phase of life.
Instead, we destroy ourselves. Make us reproach in which moments we acted wrongly. Ask us when we should have acted differently. Think about the moments in which we reacted inappropriately. And we blame ourselves alone, so it broke up.
At the same time we put the past partner on a pedestal. We are convinced that we will never again find someone who suits us and with whom we will be happy. Even if we were not happy at the end of the relationship, we cling to the utopian idea that the relationship was the egg and we were a dream couple.
Depression after separation?
To feel bad after a break is completely normal. We withdraw, we get involved, we are listless and can not do anything with ourselves. These symptoms can be very similar to depression.
To get out of this period of mourning, we have to motivate and encourage ourselves. We have to go out more and meet with friends, we have to pursue our hobbies and interests, we have to give ourselves the chance to distract ourselves.
If you feel like you're just not getting out of your rut, the separation is tearing the ground from under your feet, you've fallen into a hole that you can not find out by itself, then please be sure to contact one Doctor!
A doctor can tell if you are in an ordinary mourning process, or if you need mental health care and need a therapist. Especially going to the doctor is difficult for many, because mental illnesses are still considered very negative by many people and they are embarrassed to seek help. But professional help helps make you feel better and you can enjoy life again.
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