You have regular sex, but as soon as you come to the subject of relationship, a backlash is made.
People with attachment fears can be recognized by the fact that on the one hand they seek closeness, love and affirmation, on the other hand they can not allow precisely these things. They look for contact, they get in touch, but when it comes to making nails with their heads, they do not let anything be heard.
It is difficult for them to bind themselves firmly to a person, which can often lead to conflicts. Quarrels about why he or she does not want to get involved in something solid mean that he or she will not hear from and withdraw.
Bonding fears need not, however, relate solely to difficulties in finding a partner. Many people who suffer from attachment anxiety, it is also difficult to maintain their circle of friends for a long time.
What causes the attachment anxiety?
How is it that some people find it difficult to permanently engage with just one person? Often behind the bondage fear lies disappointments and injuries from the past.
Anyone who has ever given another person his heart, but was injured and betrayed, will often find it difficult to ever open up again in the future. Because who really loves, makes himself vulnerable. In addition, if parents live with their children in an unhealthy relationship, such as a relationship full of quarrels, jealousy, and other issues, it will permanently shape their children.
But the fear of losing one's freedom can also be the reason why people do not engage in a partnership. Often, this happens when they watch other couples from the circle of friends nothing more alone, but do everything only for two. Forgoing either hobbies or other activities for the partner, this can be a deterrent example.
Crucial, however, is the fear of closeness, which in turn is based on other fears. Anyone who is afraid of the closeness of a loving person is afraid of disappointing the person in the end or of being disappointed. Also, the fear of failing in the relationship can be the reason that closeness is avoided.
People with attachment anxiety are afraid of the partner's reactions as well as being hurt themselves.
How do I recognize the attachment anxiety?
By the way, attachment anxiety does not mean that those involved never engage in a partnership. Binding anxiety means instead that closeness is allowed only up to a point. The partner is thus always kept at a distance during the relationship, he does not emotionally get to him or her.
This distance is held eg by nonsensical arguments. As if from nothing, the person concerned breaks a fence to push his partner away from him through the argument. In addition, the willingness to put an end to bullying is usually much higher for those affected.
As soon as the partnership really gets serious and the victim does not know how to handle his fears, he ends the relationship. But even falling into the world of work or deepening your hobbies can be a way to avoid too much closeness.
Often the people who suffer from attachment anxiety only fall in love with forgiven or married people. This may lead to sexual contact in the form of an affair, the "danger" that it creates a relationship is very low.
Overcoming attachment anxiety - How do I handle my attachment anxiety?
If someone seriously wants to overcome his attachment anxiety, the first step is to admit that he is suffering from attachment anxiety at all. He or she must admit that behind the alleged quarrels, the numerous discussions, the overtime, or leaving alone, the fear of being rejected or even abandoned by the partner.
Afterwards, each affected person should deal with his fears. What are these exactly in terms of relationships? What does he fear, what is he afraid of?
Bonding fears can only be overcome by allowing the person involved to get involved in closeness and to establish a stable relationship. Because only then does it succeed that the one who suffers from attachment anxiety manages to make new and, above all, positive experiences.
Basically, every person, even those with attachment anxiety, wants a solid, functioning partnership. At the same time, however, their unconscious fears stand in the way of fulfilling this desire.
Only when he or she gets involved in a relationship, the person concerned can connect with a partnership positive qualities. He will learn that his former fears do not materialize. Neither he or she is hurt by the love of the partner, nor are their own freedom necessarily restricted. However, it will take a long time for those affected to really overcome their fears, since these are primarily unconscious fears that most of the sufferers themselves can not explain.
You think that you are also suffering from attachment fears? But you do not know how to overcome your attachment anxiety? Then get in touch with us for a flirt coaching for men. Our flirt trainers take care of you and advise you on how to open up for a relationship and how to manage the right way to deal with your fears. We look forward to hearing from you.