Again and again you are fighting over the past weeks. Actually, you had hoped that the situation between you would soon be relaxed. You firmly believed that you would get it back. But by now you are increasingly doubting your relationship. You are unsure if you can really solve your problems. At the moment you are losing more and more faith in it.
Save the relationship or not? Weigh the pros and cons of your relationship
It is normal that a partnership does not only consist of rosy times. There are phases in which there is more and more conflict. In which we are only annoyed by the partner. In which we could strangle the other. In that we suddenly doubt everything that we have built together. The question is, how long is this phase going on, and whether we believe that the relationship will change again for the better?
It can be helpful if you realize what you feel about your partnership and what you are missing and how you also write down what bothers you. The next step is to analyze what points you think you can change together.
What is the positive about your relationship?
Every partnership has positive aspects, no matter how much dispute there is right now. Maybe you love it so that the partner comes home and asks you honestly and interested, how your day went? Maybe there is nothing better for you than if he / she hugs you? Maybe you know that the other fully accepts you as you really are and that's what you appreciate so much?
Try to explain the reasons why you are still holding on to the relationship at the moment and you doubt whether it is right to end the relationship. Because: If you have not yet finalized the decision, there seems to be something that still holds you to the partnership.
What is it? What has changed in the last months and years that you are now unhappy? What was different at the beginning?
What exactly is bothering you about your partnership right now?
What are the points that bother you so much that you think about whether to save or end the relationship? Do you argue a lot?
If there are many discussions that scatter poison in your partnership, you need to get to the root of the quarrels. When a couple repeatedly complains about nothingness, it is often a sign that two once-loving people have lived apart. It is different when there is an acute misery that causes disputes. For example, his overtime, the discussions about a larger apartment or other problems.
It becomes difficult when the couple argues about the common future. Do you want a small cottage in a rural area, while he does not want to move out of town? Do you feel a big desire to have children, while he is unsure if he ever wants children? When it comes to the future, it is essential for a lasting relationship that both have similar goals.
If you have different ideas about your future together, it may make more sense to split up instead of continuing to hold on to the relationship. For a separation allows both to find a partner who has the same vision and is therefore a chance for both to be happy.
Do not cling to the partnership because you are afraid of change
Many people remain in a partnership for years, in which they are no longer happy. The reason for that? Mostly it is the fear of change and leaving the comfort zone.
Because a separation always means change. Maybe we have neglected our friends in the last months or years and have only been traveling with his people? And now we are afraid that we are alone? Perhaps we are afraid to find a flat quickly and sit in the street? Maybe we shy away from the separation for financial reasons?
The question of whether we should save or end the relationship should not be dependent on our fears. No. Decisive should be our feelings alone. Do you still love the other? Can you imagine if you look at him or her growing up with this person?
Anyone who sticks to a relationship out of material things seldom becomes happy. Instead, you will always be tempted to go astray and look for other people, potentially better partners.
Do not confuse love with a crush
If we have fired ourselves into someone head over heels, we feel butterflies in our stomach every time we meet. We can not wait to see each other again, are terribly upset and when it's finally time and the long-awaited meeting takes place, our entire stomach contracts, we can not think clearly and grin over our ears. The case is clear. We are totally lost.
But this condition does not last forever, even if we like to do so. Eventually, this tingling and excitement disappears in the stomach. The unbalanced hormonal state returns to normal, we can think clearly again and the agitated tingling becomes less and less. However, many people are mistaken that the missing butterflies are a sign of lost love. That is not so.
Dwindles the initial crush, we now have the chance to experience what it means to truly and sincerely love. Because true love does not come with timpani and trumpets, but on quiet paws, gentle and unobtrusive.
So do not make the mistake of taking the missing butterflies as an occasion for separation. Because the agitated tingling gets less, that's perfectly normal. Even if you part, you will not fare differently at the next partnership. You may fall in love again and feel that he or she is the right person and this time you are quite sure. But even in this case, your butterflies will not represent the permanent state, but eventually become less.
What has changed over time?
What has changed in the last few weeks, months or years, that you were once with the partnership while you are now doubting the relationship? Is the true face that the other now shows and with which you can not handle?
Is it your life circumstances? Was it a misuse of trust? Did he always hurt you because he or she lied to you or was not there for you?
Try to understand the causes of your dissatisfaction. What are the key points that make you wonder if you should save or end the relationship?
And more importantly: What would have to change the current situation, so you would be happy again? Is it even possible that your relationship will change again for the better, or have you already finished with this inwardly?
The decision whether to save the relationship or end it, you can ultimately lose no one. You have to make that decision for yourself. This article can only be a support for you to sort your own thoughts and thereby gain clarity for you.
Since your last separation, have not you met anyone who suits you? And in you more and more the feeling that you will never again find someone who really suits you? Then inquire with us about a flirt coaching for men or a flirt coaching for women! Our love experts will show you how you can get to know more men / women in your everyday life, so that you too will be happy again. We look forward to hearing from you!