Strong disappointments usually hang over us for a long time. We are literally followed by the bad pictures that have burnt down in our heads. We see, as it were, how the ex was lying in bed with another person while we sat at home and waited for his arrival.
Being lied to and being cheated is one of the worst feelings
Anyone who has been cheated once in a solid partnership, knows exactly how much this hurts. The extreme shock and the fear of never being able to trust again are due to the fact that trust is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.
If two people do not trust each other, their relationship is doomed from the start.
So now we've totally opened our hearts to the ex, which of course made us vulnerable (which is part of a relationship), and were punished in the end.
Lied and cheated? The fault is not your fault!
Depending on how much the ex has been able to manipulate us, we end up blaming ourselves for being abused like that. We do and blame and believe the intriguing words that we've been over-clinging, too annoying, too jealous, suppressed him or her, or left us breathless and dealing with these thoughts ourselves.
What we do not notice: The ex knows exactly our vulnerability. She's one of those people who knows how they can really hurt us and destroy our last spark of self-respect. It's nonsense that we were guilty of him or her being cheated, lying to us, or otherwise exploiting us.
No, this alone has been the decision of the other person.
Not all people are the same
If the disappointment is still fresh, often makes us this negative feelings in us spread that all men or women are just the same and have nothing else in mind than to cheat and ruin the partner financially.
It's okay to have such thoughts when the pain is still fresh. However, it is also important to overcome this phase and keep in mind that not all people are the same. In the case of the ex, we have simply come to the wrong person, who did not care about our wellbeing and who always cared only about himself.
Do not project your suspicions on your new partner!
People who have been very much disappointed quickly develop the same fears and fears they still have from their old relationship with the new partner on their own side.
This is a clear sign that we have not yet completed the old partnership. We project the behavior of the ex to your new partner and are immediately suspicious.
Is he also a stranger? After all, the excuse about overtime seems familiar to us! Does she also have a gambling addiction? After all, we know this behavior from our ex, who also sneaked away secretly in the evening.
Only when we have fully processed the former relationship and separation, we are able to fully engage in a new relationship and not encounter our new partner with the former mistrust.
Replace your grief with anger!
Whose trust was abused and feelings were hurt, he shed many tears at the beginning. Tears of pain, disappointment and sadness.
Grief paralyzes us. She inhibits us. It makes us ineffective at work. It makes us crawl into our home and avoid any contact with the outside world. She makes sure that we let ourselves go and only feed on beer or chocolate.
Grief is a feeling that stands in the way of any form of productivity. Our thoughts are constantly wandering and we have terrible pictures in mind.
Eventually, however, our grief will turn into anger. And this is a process that helps us on a large scale to process our negative experiences.
While in the mourning phase we often still cry for the ex or the ex and do not realize that he has not done us good, we understand in our phase of anger that he alone was responsible for his actions and he alone is guilty of he lied to us and cheated on us.
After all, nobody forced him to.
The feeling of anger can also have a productive effect on us. When jogging we suddenly realize that we walked 3 kilometers further than usual, the presentation for the work was so easy by the hand and suddenly we throw out the old furniture that we could not see for a long time, and set up a new one.
How long does it take for me to trust again?
How much time generally has to pass to be able to trust again is completely individual and differs from person to person.
It is advisable that the next relationship will not be entered until the old disappointment has been fully resolved. Because otherwise it happens faster than we would like, that we imagine to discover similar patterns of behavior with the new partner as with our ex-partner.
In this way neither we nor the new partner will be happy. So it's important to give yourself enough time.
You have overcome this bad experience meanwhile, but you think, never again someone new to find? Do you feel that none of the men / women around you could even be interested in you?
Then it's time for us to inquire about a flirt coaching for men or a flirting seminar for women. Our flirting professionals show you how attractive you are to the opposite sex and how you manage to flirt with strange men / women. We look forward to hearing from you!