Once you have been very much disappointed, it is difficult to process this negative experience and erase it from memory. Regardless of whether it was generally in the youth for bullying of a woman or a particularly bad separation from an ex: bad experiences often characterize us more than we love and follow us for a long time.
This can lead, under particularly bad conditions, to the inability to fully open and engage with another person after this experience.
Fear of Relationship - Why are we afraid to tie ourselves?
Our psyche wants to protect us from reliving such disappointment as we once had in the past. But our fear of attachment does not mean that we do not long for warmth, love and security, on the contrary: whoever is alone because he sees himself as unable to relate to others, misses the feeling of his arrival and the warmth of love the most.
However, if someone gets to know another person who also shows interest and soon lets them know that they wish for more than pure friendship, the panic in the person concerned comes up.
To have a relationship? No, that means limiting your own freedom. That means compromising and giving up one's life. In the end, that just means being disappointed and hurt. That means sacrificing time for someone who only causes us pain in the end.
So it happens that the person concerned is longing for a partnership and love, yet can not allow these feelings with him and the other person blocks, by nothing more to hear from, provokes quarrels or simply avoids the contact.
The fear of a relationship is based on other fears
We notice: The fear of a relationship is justified by other fears. For example, by the fear of being able to leave and be disappointed or to show oneself off the vulnerable side.
Fear of Relationship - How do I handle my negative feelings?
The first step in the right direction is to admit to yourself that you have a problem with relationship anxiety. It may be helpful to remember what exactly triggered them.
Was it the bad divorce of one's own parents in childhood, which has developed into a true Rose War? Was it the moment when you saw your best buddy break when his ex cheated on him, and he still has not recovered from this experience? Are quarrels from your previous relationship the cause, in which she has even partially palpable and you did not know how to deal with their tantrums?
Keep in mind that these are very negative experiences that you had to experience, but they are not necessarily repetitive.
Talk to your counterpart about your fear
Instead of just breaking contact or unconsciously doing everything to worsen the relationship between you, you should be honest with him or her and tell your fears. Explain that you have had to gain negative experiences in the past and that you still find it difficult to fully trust and engage in a person.
If your counterpart really cares about you, he or she will not react with incomprehension, but will be able to better assess your behavior and give you a sense of security.
Can a relationship be maintained despite relational anxiety?
If you enter into a relationship with him or her, you will find that there are always phases in which you keep him or her at a distance and unconsciously attempt to scare off the other person through your behavior.
Keep in mind that behaving in this way makes you extremely unfair to your partner or partner. As soon as you realize what's happening, you should seek the conversation and talk openly and honestly with him or her.
On the other hand, it does not help if you fall into old patterns and, for example, look for quarrels to push him or her away from you. Because this has two negative consequences:
First, you may soon be alone again even though you are basically close to it.
And second, you reinforce your attachment anxiety. You are responsible for confirming that a partnership must always be accompanied by arguments and disagreements, which will make it more and more difficult for you to have a happy relationship one day.
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