The fears of man can be completely different. Everyone is well-known about their future fears. The fear of getting a job after graduation. Whether we will make ends meet financially. The fear of being permanently alone. These fears are rather vague. They generally refer to uncertainty.
But fears can also refer to something very concrete. For example, once we have been bitten by a dog and are afraid of dogs. Fears can increase up to a phobia.
They prevent us from tackling things and make us lose certain opportunities. We do not use our possibilities, but let our fears guide us and get us out of the way.
The most common fears healthy people struggle with
Man is always of the opinion that he is a completely individual being and absolutely no one understands how it looks in him and how he feels. As far as our fears are concerned, however, we share them with hundreds of thousands of other people, and they are not as individual as we think.
Fears are especially common
- Afraid to talk to strangers
- Panic, to embarrass yourself
- feel uncomfortable during a lecture
- Doubts before the interview
- Fear of getting in touch with new people
- Afraid to speak to someone and get a basket
In addition, there are also deeper fears that can have a strong impact on the quality of life of those affected. For example, the following fears:
- Fear of tight spaces (claustrophobia)
- Panic in front of wide squares (agoraphobia)
- Vertigo (Krophobie)
- Fear of dogs (canophobia)
- Fear of darkness (Achluophobia)
- Fear of people (sociophobia)
Phobias and anxiety disorders prevent people from living a free and easy life. Those who suffer from claustrophobia will not be able to drive to the seventh floor with the hotel's full elevator. Anyone who is terrified of being in the dark will have to overcome it every day, to return to work in the dark at night and in the evening.
Phobias and especially anxiety disorders can not be overcome in a self-therapy. Here it is advisable to visit the specialist. On the other hand, it is different with general fears. We can work on these.
Why we have to face our own fear in order to overcome the fear
Who lets his life be determined by his fears dispenses with the many opportunities and opportunities that life offers him. Maybe we got a job in a rural area. The job we always wanted. However, the company simply can not be reached by public transport. No chance. Just at the thought of having to drive a car, beads of sweat rise to our foreheads. The result? We give up. And annoy us.
Or we have the option to study at a university for which we have applied. Only that we are extremely afraid that we will be alone then. Besides, we do not dare to take care of the Internet contract, electricity and gas ourselves.
Being afraid is a perfectly normal phenomenon that every person knows about himself. Fears have the function of making us escape situations that can be dangerous to us. In the past, the fear of a dark cave has kept people from entering them and running directly toward a bear with their cubs. Today, most of our fears are no longer functional.
Our fear today is that we avoid situations that would have contributed to our development, which might even have been fun. Instead of breaking out of our comfort zone, we remain in this.
We invent seeming excuses to explain to ourselves why we can not act differently than we do:
- I can not drive to the city center for shopping because ... the parking is so expensive
- I can not apply for my dream job in Berlin because ... my mother would not be able to cope if I moved away
- I can not apply for a new job because ... I would disappoint my boss
- I can not go to the party because ... I do not know the address and have nothing to wear.
These are the apparent reasons that our brain invents and with which we talk beautifully about staying in the comfort zone. But what are the real reasons that keep us from living a happy life?
- I can not go to the city center for shopping by car because ... I have to drive for the highway and I'm terrified of getting onto the highway
- I can not apply for my dream job in Berlin because ... I'm completely alone in a strange city
- I can not apply for my dream job in Berlin because ... I am afraid that I am not up to the new tasks and I fail
- I can not go to the party because ... I do not think I can connect and I stand alone in the corner all evening.
Our fears keep us from things that we really want inside ourselves.
Ask yourself if you let your fear guide you
Overcoming fear is easy. But how do we make ourselves fight against our fears? A first step is to honestly ask yourself if our reasons for not doing something are excuses, or if they are real reasons. Let's talk about the activity in a small way, in the sense of "Well, actually I'm not interested in it", or "That's not that important to me anyway"? Then it's time for us to admit to ourselves "I do not dare because I'm afraid that ...".
Because only when we admit to ourselves that a certain fear prevents us from continuing our life as we wish, we have taken the first step to overcome this fear.
Fear is a bad companion
It is rare that today in our environment we really have to worry about our lives. There are situations in which it is quite justified to listen to his queasy gut feeling. For example, when we realize that there is a huge fight and we do not feel like getting involved. Or if we are the victim of a robbery and a knife is held in front of our faces. These are moments when we feel terrified. But thank God, we are rarely victims of such occurrences.
Instead, our fears are inappropriate in most cases. We are afraid to give a lecture to a large group. But what can happen to us? Our listeners will not attract, threaten or physically injure us.
Of course, it is easy to say that one's own fear has no real reason and therefore is not reasonable. Nevertheless, it exists. So how to deal with it in order to overcome the fear permanently? Keeping in mind that our fear wants to save us from a danger that is not there.
However, this did not fight our fear. For this it is inevitable that we confront ourselves with our fear. Only when we actively embark on the situation that causes this discomfort within us, we learn to deal with and overcome our fear.
Why? Very easily. Let's say we're scared to drive longer distances by car. If we get over and sit behind the wheel, our brain registers that it was not so bad and we survived the ride.
This approach is also referred to as cognitive behavioral therapy. We embark on a situation in which we feel uncomfortable and thereby defeat our fears. However, this type of therapy only succeeds if the persons concerned voluntarily go into the situation. If a person is afraid of dogs and the good friend therefore takes his Labrador with good intentions, but the person concerned is not prepared for it and not at all ready for this fear of confrontation, his fear will only be intensified instead of weakened. In the future, the person concerned will only do more to avoid dogs.
Overcoming fear means development instead of stagnation
Fears and our comfort zone are close together. We remain in our comfort zone because we are not confronted with our fears this way.
And that, even though our fears point to areas where we can evolve the most.
Who knows that he is terribly afraid to give a lecture and therefore likes to give presentations by others, would do his self-esteem something good if he personally took over the next presentation. The more often he gives presentations, the more self-confidence he gains, until at some point they will not bother him anymore.
Of course this is easier said than done. Of course, those who are plagued by really strong fears have a hard time confronting them. But as long as we adorn ourselves before this decisive step, we get no improvement.
Further measures that help to overcome the fears
Apart from the direct confrontation with fear itself, there are other measures that help us to become generally more balanced and thus find a looser way of dealing with our fears.
For example, meditation. Meditation permanently leads us to become calmer, find ourselves and our center, we can switch off better and thus let go of our fears. This goal can also be achieved by autogenic training.
Yoga and Pilates have a similar purpose, except that the muscles are more involved in the body than in pure meditation.
Similarly progressive and effective is progressive muscle relaxation, in which certain muscles are alternately tense and relaxed. Due to the strong tension of certain muscle groups, we perceive the subsequent relaxation all the more clearly.
Since we are already on the subject of muscles: Sport itself also helps to make us feel more balanced. While jogging we get a wonderful free head and focus only on ourselves and our breathing. But also muscle building or sports such as volleyball provide a balance to everyday life and thus help us to be generally balanced.
But also measures like the fears in self-written poems, novels or painted pictures to process can be very effective. The pictures and texts do not necessarily have to address the fears. First and foremost, it's about finding a job where we can completely shut down. Our head is completely free. We do not have to think and time flies in a flash.
A similar intense effect is achieved when we play a musical instrument (but only if we master this one.) If we are still learning it, it costs us effort and staying power, but here too we leave our comfort zone, which is why it is praiseworthy .)
Depending on what our fear is, conversations with friends can help us overcome them. However, this helps only when the fears are not all too deep.
With extremely deep-seated fears that determine our lives, take us and really cause panic in us, we should not shy away from going to the doctor. Because if we are absolutely incapable of action at certain moments, we can no longer act, so we depend on professional help. With meditation and conversations with friends we will not be able to fight these intense fears.
Your concrete fear is in fear of rejection? You've been wanting more contact with women for a long time, but are you starting to panic when you only imagine addressing a stranger? Then it is high time that you ask us for a flirt coaching. Our flirting professionals show you how to succeed, how to actively approach, address and flirt with strangers. So that you can find your dream woman. We look forward to hearing from you!