It has been painful, the moment when the relationship has collapsed and you suddenly stood there as a single parent.
But even worse feels the little stitch in the heart, after we have written with a new person. The first meeting went well, at least until the topic of children has come up and the other person has suddenly said goodbye to us.
Not that this happened to us for the first time. No, we would not be so frustrated. But that we have not met anyone who's interested in us for years, that hurts and hurts the soul.
Why do single parents have such a hard time finding a partner?
Anyone who is a single parent knows very well the responsibility that weighs on his shoulders. Suddenly we are no longer responsible for our lives alone, but also for the life of another human being, a human being born of ourselves and carrying our genes.
It is this responsibility, as well as the previous disappointment of the old relationship in which the child arose, that makes us very critical. Many single parents have problems opening their hearts and trusting a new person at all. Because: Even the child's father or the mother of the child we have completely trusted and our heart, but the partnership has not brought a happy ending.
And then there is this new person who is faced with the decision whether he should enter into a relationship with us or not. He in turn has to deal with the fact that we are in regular contact with the ex or the ex-child. Unfortunately, not everyone gets along.
The inner attitude is in the way of many single parents singles
Often it is our inner attitude that makes us simply not find anyone who suits us. This is also known as "Self Fulfilling Prophecy". Those who persuade themselves never to find a new love at their age and with a child really reduce their chances of getting into a happy partnership soon.
These negative thoughts follow especially many single parents singles:
- Who wants me with my children?
- Besides my children, I have no time to look after a partner or a partner
- The good guys are all married anyway, at my age there are only the leftovers left over
- I do not need a partner. I got used to being alone. And I finally have my children.
- Anyway, a new partner would not understand my children anyway.
- I do not want my children to think that they are only the fifth wheel on the car because of a new partner.
- Most singles of my age all have a quirk anyway. Damaged from previous relationships everyone has to carry their parcels and is no longer able to truly love.
- How the hell am I supposed to meet women / men at my age when I'm surrounded only by happy couples and families?
If you are looking for something very desperate, you usually will not find it
In addition to these negative thoughts, there is of course also the other extreme. The single-parent singles who are trying hard to put an end to their lives as single as soon as possible. Every time you first exchange messages with another person, they have the direct hope that it will turn into a new partnership.
Who, when it finally comes to the first meeting, express directly that they want something solid and want to start a small patchwork family. Even if they feel in their counterpart that this or that actually does not suit them, but everything seems to be better than having to spend even more life alone.
But even with this attitude, it is not easy to find someone new. Because, of course, feels the opposite of the despair and thus quickly deterred.
What can I change to meet other single-parent singles?
It is important not to put too much pressure on yourself and to be honest with yourself. It does not help us if we persuade ourselves that we are better off on our own and that we just have to accept that we are now left alone, nor does it help us if we want to force something with all our might.
It comes as it comes! Nevertheless, we can of course help our luck on the jumps. In contrast to singles who do not have children yet, the time we have to find partners is limited. This means that we should make the most of the limited time that we have.
A first step may be to sign up for a single parent single parenting market. There you will meet like-minded people, who are in a very similar situation as you are. In addition, you have the chance to write especially with men / women, who also have children and thus react in many ways with more understanding than Singles who do not yet have a baby.
It is also important when we get to know someone in everyday life or in our big company, from the beginning to communicate clearly and openly that we already have children. In this way, our counterpart knows directly what he or she is with us and can decide whether he or she wants to get involved or not.
Get rid of the idea of a pink red patchwork family
Many single parents cherish the dream of the perfectly functioning patchwork family. The own children and the children of the partner understand themselves dazzlingly, the new partner by our side gets on well with our children and would do everything for us, and also we do not only understand each other with him / her, but also with the children.
Only a few want to realize that it almost never happens. If your own children are already in adolescence, it is not unlikely that they will not accept the newcomer. Maybe it's the kids who do not want to understand each other. Or the new friend suddenly gets bothered by the fact that our ex-boy is regularly at the front door to pick up the children.
Having a patchwork family is never easy and always involves a lot of work. Anyone throwing the shotgun at the first problems makes it difficult to find their personal love happiness.
By the way: For single-parent singles it is especially important that the children get along well with the new partner. Of course this is important!
What many forget, however: even children can act manipulative. Children can suffer from extreme loss anxiety and jealousy. Once you gather the experience that mum or dad no longer meets another woman / man, if they have screamingly declared that they do not like them, it is quite possible that they will do the same with the next mate expires.
Of course, our children should like the new partner. But we also have a right to finally be happy again.
You do not find anyone who suits you? And meanwhile, do you think that you will spend the rest of your life alone? Then you should inquire with us after a Flirtseminar for women or a flirt coaching for men. Our love experts will help you to get to know and flirt with foreign women / men in your everyday life. So you are no longer alone. We look forward to hearing from you.