Silence is golden? Not with dating! Everybody knows it. The oppressive, wordless moments of a date, when the flow of conversation has come to a standstill and seemingly all topics, whether arranged or not, are chewed through.
One is afraid that from now on an unpleasant turn could follow and searches frantically for new topics, which make the situation often even worse. These 11 rules of conversation will help you!
Call rule # 1: The relationship hint has priority.
This communication model reflects the different levels of your conversation. In doing so, you should especially focus on the relational hint that your recipient receives.
This refers to the emotional and bonding vibrations and clues in your conversation that you should look out for to successfully approach your date. These include, for example, future-oriented formulations in the form we are using ("You have never eaten sushi, we should go together.").
The emotional level in conversation
In order not only to suggest a romantic relationship, but also to emotionally bond with you, you should provide moments in which emotions are evoked. Shared experience, laughter or amazement on your date will be remembered for longer than a solid conversation about everyday life.
In addition, making shared experiences immediately creates a bond between you that can not be separated. Shared experiences of success are also part of this and show directly whether you as a team, so well in a relationship well harmonized.
How do I conduct an animated conversation on the first date?
Talks on the private level are in principle the better ones. Conversations about education, studies or work should be avoided first, because the conversation can quickly be one-sided, causes negative feelings and does not just provide for relaxation. Of course, all conversation rules are also applicable to the other dates or generally in everyday communication.
Rule No. 2: Listening
One of the most important rules of conversation is, of course, listening. Because only if you really listen attentively, you can respond to what your date tells you. There is thus no danger that you end a topic with a lot of conversation potential early, because you do not know what it is about.
Rule # 3: Be Attentive.
Pay attention not only to what she says, but also to her body language and read between the lines. For example, when she says, "Oh, it's really cold, " offer her, like a real gentleman should, your jacket. Be courteous and take care of your needs.
Rule # 4: It starts with the location!
Already at the choice of location of the date can be done a lot wrong. Many forget that the location can be the key to a good conversation on the date! The environment can give the first impetus to a conversation or save a situation by having a quick conversation topic at hand. Use whatever information you have about them in your selection and then try to relate the location to them. If you do not have any information, just ask her what she does in her spare time.
Does she like art, music, cooking, sports or animals? Show at the beginning of the date that you have thought and that it means something to you. The advantage of course is the lifting of the crowd. So try to make your date so that you can be sure that YOU have fun doing it. Here are some fancy date ideas!
Rule # 5: Use every opportunity for a new conversation.
For example, when she casually mentions that she has been away for the last time, ask her questions, and maybe even enthuse about destinations she still wants to reach. So the flow of conversation is maintained and your date could theoretically go on forever.
Also dare to finish boring topics or really deepen and talk shop for both interesting topics. It is always important to have a certain charm during the conversation, because then no routine, therefore no boredom.
Rule # 6: Avoid embarrassing questions.
Although asking questions is a sign of interest, you should not be bothered. Beautiful are always the conversations that find their own way, instead of being compulsively evoked. However, it is important to work around certain questions that might be annoying to your date. Try to avoid harassing her and avoid embarrassing situations before weighing how she might react.
For example, no-gos are: "How do you like me from 1-10?", "How many guys did you meet in front of me?", "Why did you split up with your ex?".
Discussion Rule No. 7: With humor to new topics of conversation.
Instead of talking about your daily work, just tell a funny story that happened to you at work. This will probably make her laugh, relax the mood and create liking points, since you have entrusted her with something embarrassing.
But make sure that the story could not create friction points. Black humor, racist or misogynist jokes (even if they are not meant to be) should be avoided for now. They could provoke the generally dreaded silence or even lead to quarrels. Only when you can assess how it reacts to certain topics can you risk more risky discussions.
Rule # 8: Avoid "the interview" to find topics for discussion.
In any case, keep your fingers off classic "interview questions" on the first date, such as, "How old are you?", "Where are you from?", "What are you doing professionally?". These lead after their answer and the subsequent counter question "And you?" In any case, the desired flow of conversation and you can not get closer to her on a personal level. Often, the answers to these questions also come from talking alone.
Rule No. 9: Balanced Speech.
Important: Silence should not prevail on your side. Give up the cliché just to let them talk. A balanced conversation at eye level often leads to success and avoids that she thinks you are very shy or boring. After all, she wants to hear as much about you on the first date as you do about her!
Rule # 10: "Coolness" silences your date.
To be unpronounceable or to give half-hearted answers in order to be particularly cool is less of a concern for women than having fun together. Because if you get along well and both have dropped off their protective armor, new topics of conversation will come up by themselves and you will never again experience embarrassing silence on your dates!
Rule # 11: Know your love language.
The topic of love language is essential when it comes to conversation rules. You and your date should be on a common denominator in this point. The principle is the same as with similar humor. A certain basic attitude must simply fit from the beginning, so that you can mentally move on one level.
Find out what type of conversation you are.
Stephen R. Covey developed a theory on different types of conversation and successful communication, if you stick to it. It should already be clarified in the beginning, what your priority in life and thus also in the conversation and whether the priority of your date is compatible with yours. Orient yourself to the questions: Who are you? And what are you working on in life? Which of these 9 types are you?
- family oriented
- Money or profit oriented
- job oriented
- Friendship or enemy image oriented
- Religious oriented
This situation is the only one that keeps relationships healthy. If one of the two parts is on the side that loses rather than wins, sooner or later she'll look elsewhere or retire. In order to succeed in this situation, it is important to prove both integrity and maturity. Be brave but also considerate and above all make clear what your goals in life are.
It is very important that you do not always refer to yourself. Does she say something or ask for advice, then listen to us and try to understand her, then answer as you give an example from your life and she should understand you.